Are You Living from the Neck Up?
Moving from Head to Heart and Learning to Listen Within
Whenever I write my blog, it becomes a form of self-enquiry, let alone an offering of gems of wisdom that might be useful to anyone else who is curious or interested.
This month, I kept coming back to witnessing the difference between thinking and feeling.
Over 20 years ago, when I was training to teach yoga, I remember the phrase “living from the neck up” being used. It described how we can become disconnected from the rest of our body because we are so busy thinking, doing, analysing and working hard, rather than simply being present and feeling.
And since that yoga journey began, I have been learning to feel from my neck down.
For someone who is very curious about lots of things, loves to analyse data and has been known to waste a considerable amount of time overthinking, this has been quite a journey!
I have also been known to ignore the messages from my body.
But yoga has taught me to become curious about those messages. To feel into my body, to listen, and not simply ignore what is arising.
We are, after all, sensory beings.
Feeling before thinking
One of my most valuable life lessons has been to notice what was happening within.
Using breath awareness.
Witnessing sensations in my body.
My thoughts and emotions.
The subtle messages I might otherwise overlook.
In a way, it is like creating an ever-expanding encyclopaedia of me. Who am I?
What is this feeling?
What happens when I breathe in a particular way?
What happens when I push? When I soften? When I stop?
This is where I think yoga offers us an incredibly valuable life skill: conscious awareness.
We begin to notice what is actually happening, rather than automatically moving into what we think should be happening.
A student once said to me that she didn't come to class to think.
True.
Because, in many ways, it is all about feeling.
Our bodies are receiving sensations all the time. A racing heart, tight muscles, a sinking feeling in the stomach, warmth, lightness, heaviness, tiredness or energy.
Sometimes there are words for these experiences. Sometimes there aren't, and thats okay.
We can simply notice.
We can step back and witness what is happening — a sensation, a thought or an emotion — without immediately reacting to it.
And in that moment of noticing, something important happens.
We create the possibility of choice.
Rather than automatically reacting, we can consciously choose how, or if, we want to respond.
Moving between the head to the heart
For me, this is part of what I mean when I talk about moving from the head to the heart.
It isn't about abandoning the thinking mind. Our ability to think, analyse, interpret and make sense of our experiences is incredibly valuable.
But what happens when we live entirely from the neck up? We become disconnected from what the rest of us is experiencing?
Perhaps the invitation is not to choose the head or the heart, but to bring them into greater coherence.
Into unity rather than imbalance. Our heart is where we feel, where we love, create joy, find peace.
To allow ourselves to think and feel, listen and interpret.
To notice what is happening within us before deciding what to do about it.
The breath as a doorway
Yoga has also taught me about the breath and how profoundly it can influence how I feel.
Taking a deeper longer breath can change how we experience a moment.
Pausing can change how we respond.
Becoming aware of the breath brings us back into the body. It gives us something real to work with.
And this, for me, is empowering. It is a life skill.
We are not necessarily powerless passengers in our own experience. We can learn to influence how we feel, self-regulate, and to get to know ourselves from the inside out.
Learning to trust your own experience
When I was processing the content for this blog, I was taken back to an online teaching module with Donna Farhi in 2018 about self-led enquiry.
One of the things that stayed with me was the idea that I might ignore my directly felt experiences because I don't trust my own perception.
I might believe that I should be able to do something.
I might believe that I am not strong enough, flexible enough, capable enough or good enough.
Or I might doggedly stick to a practice even when my body is telling me that something isn't right.
But only you live in your body.
Only you know what feels right for you.
But you do have to listen.
Through self-enquiry, we can become curious about the sensations arising from our body and, over time, learn to trust our own insights and perceptions.
This is part of owning our own experience.
It is learning to self-direct.
And perhaps, in doing so, we can begin to transform some of those old beliefs that tell us we are broken or somehow need fixing.
Perhaps we can discover that we are actually okay as we are.
Interoception: listening from within
There is a word for our awareness of what is happening inside our bodies: interoception.
It is our awareness of internal processes. It can tell us when we are hungry, when we're hot, when our heart rate changes, or when something just doesn't feel right.
It is one of our navigation systems.
In a yoga practice, interoception can help us decide how far to move into an posture, and how long to stay in it. It’s mindful movement in action.
A teacher is a guide who can suggest options, but they cannot know exactly what is happening inside your body.
They don't have access to that information.
You do.
Effort, ease and paying attention
There is also a beautiful principle within yoga around balancing effort and ease.
But if you're not listening, how can you tell the difference?
How do you know when effort is useful and when you are simply pushing?
How do you know when to stay, when to soften and when to stop?
Pain is a signal that something is off course and not to be ignored.
Pay attention. Use your skills of self-awareness.
You may need to make a correction, an adjustment.
The aim isn't to achieve the deepest pose or to prove how much we can tolerate.
The aim is to become more adept at recognising our own optimal level.
And that level may be different from day to day.
This is why to explore and practise, practise, practise is beneficial.
Not so that we become perfect, but so that we create more possibilities.
Taking it beyond the yoga mat
Perhaps this is the bigger lesson.
The concepts we learn through practising yoga are transferable to everyday living.
We can learn to live in our whole body, rather than simply from the neck up.
We can listen to the messages of the whole self.
We can bring greater coherence between heart and mind.
We can pause.
We can remember to breathe deeply.
We can notice.
We can become curious about what we are experiencing rather than immediately judging or reacting to it.
And perhaps most importantly, we can empower ourselves to know what our optimal level is across the many different layers of ourselves.
To take responsibility for ourselves, to own our personal journey.
So perhaps the invitation this month is a very simple one
Pause
Take a breath
And ask yourself:
What am I feeling right now?
Not what should I be feeling.
Not what do I think I am feeling.
But what is actually here?
An answer isn't always necessary
Simply notice.
Listen.
Be curious.
What becomes possible when, even for a moment, you come back to yourself?
